Quite a few of my fellow facebookers have posted your article, presumably with the intention of praising it. Personally, I have a huge problem with it and find myself unable to stay silent on this issue. I cringe at the language you used in this post. I cringe for the girls that this was intended for and I cringe at the intention of causing them shame. It is baffling to me that you have taken it upon yourself to rifle through your sons’ social media accounts with a recognition that they are too young to be responsible for viewing whatever scandalous photos they might happen upon, yet you are unwilling to hold the girls in question to the same standard of helplessness. If I had a daughter who was posting provocative photos of herself to the internet, I would certainly hope that a parent would be kind enough to inform me first instead of blacklisting my daughter. I am horrified by the insinuation that due to one poor decision on the part of some teenage girl (and it’s not like teenagers are known for their ability to anticipate consequences) that you would call them unworthy to be around your sons. That certainly doesn’t sound like Jesus to me. I seem to remember Jesus reaching out to some pretty sketchy folks – folks who did a whole lot worse than post a provocative photo of themselves to Instagram.
“I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t ever un-see it? You don’t want the Hall boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?”
Where is the conversation about the importance of self-control? We do not teach our men to be leaders by insisting that they are mere creatures of lust. The burden of lust and purity does not fall exclusively on women. If you heard that a man was cheating on his wife, would your response be to sympathize for him because he was obviously seduced by a temptress? I should hope not. We don’t create leaders by teaching them to act as victims – we bring up leaders by planting seeds of truth and righteousness. We teach men how to be leaders by equipping them with the tools and skills that will help them to respond in the face of temptation and sin. We teach them strength and resilience. We don’t teach them that sexuality is inherently evil. In this tipsy topsy "Christian" world of purity, we are disabling our children by not allowing them to have some control over their own sexuality.
Don’t get me wrong, though my son is only four, we do intend on monitoring his internet activity when he comes to an age where he is regularly browsing the internet. With that though, I also think that this comes with discussions of accountability and WHY it’s important to be pure. Ultimately, when it comes to his relationship with girls, we can only guide him in the right direction and pray that he is responsive. I trust that even if he doesn’t choose to listen to us that the Lord is eternally good and redemptive and that there will be something to be learned from it.
Then there’s even more…you chose to spruce up your lovely lecture with photos of your sons flexing at the beach. I’m not sure if you were just really trying to bring home your double standards or what, but I found myself pretty appalled that while you were ranting and raving about girls posting scantily glad photos, you thought it was also appropriate to show off photos of your sons posing in a way that shows off their muscles. As you so eloquently stated:
“if you want to stay friendly with the Hall men, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent.”
Is it too much to ask for your sons to live by the same standards? Listen, after Miley Cyrus' recent VMA performance, I understand why we're all so up in arms about the way that women present themselves. At the same time though, I do not understand why we're not outraged by the lyrics of her fellow performer's song "Blurred Lines". It breaks my heart that we choose to shame women instead of feeling deeply saddened when they choose to put their worth in their sexuality. How surprising can it be though? We live in a society that tells us that we are only as valuable as our outward appearance. That same society also spits us out and calls us names for embracing its values. I'm not about perpetuating that and I really hope that I can help teach my kiddo that women and men are valuable for what's on the inside. You should understand this firsthand as someone who does have a daughter...how would it feel to you if you found out that she had become an outcast because of one poor choice that she made?
As someone who had my son out-of-wedlock at eighteen, I sure am glad that I was surrounded by people who chose to cover me in love instead of shame because they knew that shame was most definitely not what I needed. I don't know, that feels a whole lot more like Jesus to me.
