He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

I realize it’s been far too long since I last posted a blog entry – somehow the last month and a half or so have escaped me entirely. The last couple of months have been non-stop in our house. Between a one-year-old birthday, pneumonia, RSV, exams, the holidays, new teeth, a quickly approaching Spring semester, and Sam heading off to the Marines in less than two weeks, I hardly know what to do with myself. Resistance to change seems natural enough to humanity – or perhaps creation in general, and I’m certainly no exception within this. There’s something undeniably significant about Sam’s departure – not only as it pertains to us; our history, the simplicity and all the goodness that has come to fruition in the past year – but rather what this means in the life of Paxton as his awareness of the world around him becomes more and more evident.

(My little prince on his big day)


Perhaps in part because of any of the aforementioned factors, lately I’ve felt as though I’m watching life dance mystically just out of reach. The phases of life are so difficult to identify sometimes but I've much benefitted from a little alone time to organize my aspirations. Yet, as I grieve (while also very eagerly anticipate) this next chapter in my life, I am coming closer and closer to truly discovering what it is to solely depend on the Lord’s provision for my family. Several prophetic people in my life have spoken a season of harvest over this next season so I've been attempting to configure how to most effectively incorporate that positive energy into my routine. A prophesy ought never go ignored. Winter always shakes something eerie and resplendent my way so sometimes it feels a tad more difficult to prioritize.

My bones have felt a tad restless of late, through listening loudly for the Silence of the Holy Spirit, I've received a strong response concerning the release of my creative spirit. Children are the best excuse to bringing to fruition the root meaning of what it is to create. Paxton is a constant inspiration to me. His newness and instinctual responses ignite a desire in me to strip everything down to the basics. That which I often consider necessary in the realm of technology and such is so frivolous to the perceptions of a child. He makes me so itchy for nature...I love it! That being said, I suppose I ought to limit Paxton's early exposure to all that is "natural" since he has been mistaken for a girl three times this past week. Sigh. I suppose it really is time for that first haircut after all. It's so strange to think that his hair has remained untouched since the day of his birth - sometimes it seems all I have left of that precious 4 1/2 lb. premie. I digress, and the constant stream of letting go, the ever-prevalent theme of parenting floats on.

Anyways, this post is inevitably a bit jumbled because I'm a bit jumbled but I don't think it's beneficial to any parties to constantly pretend to exist in a state of utmost clarity. There is much to look forward to in this next series of life. I never cease to feel baffled by how extremely fast days seem to move. I remember always wanting to be older as a child. Adulthood seemed so enticing until I paid bills for the first time! A few months ago, Sam and I took Pax to the Science Museum because we had such fond memories from childhood. It was a colossal disappointment at best...perhaps from the aftereffects of years of mandatory education or because we aren't so ignorant as to the basic functions of nature anymore. Either way, I'm trying for Paxton's sake to become more like a child so that I might understand the way that he is experiencing things for the very first time.

Adulthood and our acquirement of knowledge reminds me a lot of Adam and Eve. As I learn more and more about the way the world is, I desperately long for the days in which I truly believed in the innate goodness of humanity. At least my lessons in reality have been gradual, Adam and Eve experienced it all at once at the Tree of Knowledge (and it should be noted that they came to know a whole lot more than we as humans ever will...I can't imagine what it is to be able to comprehend eternity). They teach us that perhaps naivety faith is what we ought to rely on. Children depend on their parents entirely to fulfill their needs. In most cases, they are incapable of considering what the alternative would be if they weren't fed, housed, or clothed. What if we stopped worrying about all the potential negative outcomes that would be if the Lord didn't provide for us? We have so little control over the tides in our lives that perhaps relying on the deliverance and goodness of God's authority wouldn't be so bad after all...Personally, when I have been faithful through prayer (and even when I haven't) the Lord has had a way of configuring the situations in my life to exactly what they need to be. So, I'm thinking whatever He has in store for us is probably a whole richer than whatever we can come up with on our own. He did kind of design this whole world, after all.

To Belief in a Better Tomorrow,

Lauren